


To Aaron, Merry Xmas Rob x

by Daily_Scenarios



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: 2017 christmas ep, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missing Scene, basically it's about what went on in Aaron's head after Robert gave him the present
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 06:39:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19043188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daily_Scenarios/pseuds/Daily_Scenarios
Summary: No matter how nice Alex was, or how stable he and his job looked. It didn't matter that he was a safe bet. Aaron didn't need safe, he needed that extra something... that little thing that made his mind go crazy. Someone who was intoxicating, and impossible to give up. That description didn't fit Alex. It was Robert. And Aaron knew that. And after realizing that, it was hard to settle for anything less.Or...It's exactly what happened after Robert gave his present to Aaron. It's mostly about Aaron's feelings and the fact that he's still in love with Robert. It's also good for anti alex people because... well yours truly hate him.





	To Aaron, Merry Xmas Rob x

He didn't invite Alex in. After the ordeal at the pub... with Robert's ranting... he didn't have it in him to deal with Alex as well. Even if he wouldn't say anything. Not to his face at least.

The present, _HIS_ present was still in his hands. He wanted to hate it, to hate _him_ for all the shit he put him through... but he couldn't.

20 minutes later he found himself in the Santa hoodie, smiling softly at the card Robert wrote.

He couldn't help himself. He had to open it. Had to try it on. Of course, Robert knew he would like it. They joked about it enough times last year. It was something he thought Robert would buy him as a funny inside joke. And he did. Even if they're not together...

What is it with him? Why can't he just let go? What is it about Robert that won't allow him to move on?

But... does he want that? Does he really want that? To leave it all behind? All the bad memories... along with the good ones?

Aaron knew what his mum would say... but it was Robert. His Robert, even though he desperately tried not to think of him as his. Because he wasn't his anymore, was he? He battled with his thoughts enough in the past few months, and for a moment he let himself think about it, without trying to kid himself. What his feelings told him... it was terrifying but weirdly enough comforting at the same time.

 

 

 

After standing in the kitchen for 10 minutes straight, he decided that he could easily wallow in his misery on the couch as well, and it would be even comfortable, so he went over, sat down slowly, still in the hoodie... still thinking about Robert. Thinking about how he should be happy with Alex... but when it came to it, he felt... nothing. He wanted to, he really wanted to be happy, but deep down he knew he won't be. He can't be. Not with Alex. Not without Robert.

He tried to pretend... for so long. But if he wanted to be honest with himself, Alex never really brought out any emotions from him. He wasn't a guy Aaron would've picked up in a bar. Definitely not if the other choice would've been Robert. The problem was, that after Aaron had a real taste of something so satisfyingly good with Robert... nothing seemed to be enough. Robert told him so many times that no one else comes close. He always thought he knew what he meant. Now he definitely did. No matter how nice Alex was, or how stable he and his job looked. It didn't matter that he was a safe bet. Aaron didn't need safe, he needed that extra something... that little thing that made his mind go crazy. Someone who was intoxicating, and impossible to give up. That description didn't fit Alex. It was Robert. And Aaron knew that. And after realizing that, it was hard to settle for anything less.

 

He held the card in his hand again, the one Robert wrote. _“To Aaron, Merry Xmas. Rob x”_ He still remembered the day he told him that if he truly wanna be with him, he has to go to the pub and say it proud. Of course, he didn't do it, not back then. But since? They were there for their wedding, Robert drank out of the welly, and even if it was only a silly tradition, Aaron was so proud of him. He remembered seeing Robert as he was drinking while all the Dingles gathered around him, and that was the first time he thought _“That's my husband”._

Then he thought about the events from an hour ago. Robert, drunk, mouthing off in the middle of the pub... how they should be together, and how it was always them. Aaron felt embarrassed because of the scene, but... it was true wasn't it? It really was them. Always. They always found their way back, and not being together... it just felt wrong.

 

He was exhausted. He was tired, from all the drama, from everybody who was on his case. He didn't want to think about any of it. But his brain couldn't switch off. It kept going back to random memories. Things they went through together.... him and Robert. Things that made them who they are today. Their history. Aaron felt so confused, he didn't know what to do with the situation. It seemed like he was incapable of not thinking about it... about him. That was until his phone started ringing. It was Vic.

 

“Aaron?” - he heard her voice. She was definitely crying.

 

“What happened?” - he asked already thinking of something terrible. His mind went through every option to why would Vic call him in a state like this, but he wasn't prepared for hearing her words.

 

“It's Robert.. he... he had an accident... I just got to the hospital... they.... they won't tell me anything, they said they're still checking him out.... “- she said between big breaths.

 

“I'm on my way.” - said Aaron before he hung up. If his head was messed up before, it was even worse now. He just needed to get to him. He took off the hoodie to get his coat, he was already out the door when he ran into his mum just outside the Mill.

 

“Oi, where do you thi...”

 

“I gotta go Mum, it's Robert. He.....” - he started before he had to take a breath- “Vic called, he's had an accident, and... I just... I gotta go.” - he said hurrying to his car.

 

“No, no, you drank, don't be a fool. You don't wanna end up in hospital as well, do ya?” - she asked in a mocking tone as she dialed for a cab.

 

“Tell them to hurry, I don't wanna wait for hours.” - Chas didn't say a word, just called the cab service. She knew better than to get into it. Robert was like a nasty infection, and even though Alex was the cure, Aaron would rather let himself be infected than to have a calm and nice life with Alex. Chas didn't understand it. How could her son still care about Robert? And most important why?

 

The car ride was quiet, but Chas could feel how anxious Aaron was. He kept chewing his lips and tapping his foot. It was a bit annoying, but Chas knew he was worried. When they got there they ran into Alex almost immediately. Of course, he was Robert's doctor. Why would it be someone else... it's not awkward enough as it is. Even though he didn't ask, it was obvious that Alex wanted to know how did Aaron know about this. Chas wasn't even surprised when her son lied. He shouldn't have to. Why would it be weird? Vic was still his mate, and even Alex should know by now that Aaron's always involved when it comes to Robert and vice versa.

 

He knew that Alex would've said it already if they were any problems, but still, Aaron wasn't relieved. Maybe he sensed that something bad was about to happen... One thing was sure, he felt like his entire world was about to disappear when they thought that Robert wouldn't make it. He saw him lying there, with a tube in his mouth, and he couldn't believe it was happening. His eyes were already teary as he saw Alex and the nurse... maybe Vic was talking? His ears started to ring... or was it the machine? They kept trying, they kept socking him, but it looked like nothing was working. Aaron stood there, powerless like he was the one dying and not Robert. He couldn't lose him. Not now... not ever. He can't die.

In that moment, Aaron wasn't even thinking, he just said the words. - “Robert, you can't die you can't! I'm not ready to lose ya!” - he didn't even realise he said it. He wasn't aware. The only thing that mattered was Robert. His life. He had to be okay. It felt like hours, but it was only a matter of seconds before they finally heard his heartbeat. Aaron was still in a bit of a shock, he didn't even know how his mum got there. One minute he was standing there, looking at Robert, praying he would make it through, next minute, his mum was hugging him. He didn't even realise he was crying. Not until he wiped his face.

He didn't realize the look Alex gave him either. He didn't even think about Alex. He knew... or rather his subconscious knew that he was there, but... he couldn't bring himself to care. Even after he said those words, he never thought about how it must felt for Alex, to hear him begging Robert not to die. He basically said he couldn't live without him, in front of his “boyfriend” and Aaron never once thought about how it would affect the doctor.

 

Everything after that was a blur. Diane was there with Vic... was she there the whole time? Aaron honestly didn't have a clue. They were talking to Alex, asking all sorts of questions.... and all he could do was standing right beside Robert's bed... smiling a bit, because he was alive, and he's gonna be all right. And that was enough.

He knew they had to go, let him rest properly, but he couldn't leave... not without making sure he's okay. He knew he was fine, he saw him, but... he had to touch him. He just had to... feel his skin under his fingertips. So as gently as he could, he gave his arm a bit of a squeeze. It was comfort, mostly for himself. To know that Robert's gonna be okay.

After he stepped outside of the room, he took the opportunity to have some fresh air, before his mum or worse... Alex could say something. He wanted to be alone for a few minutes. He knew his mum would find him in a matter of minutes, but he still took the chance.

 

_I almost lost him._ -he thought. _How could I... I can't live without him. I...if he would've died... -_ he didn't even finish that thought. His feelings were all over the place. He was scared, relieved, and confused at the same time. Then suddenly he felt guilty.... about a lot of things but most of all about Alex. He didn't even think about having a quick chat with him... he didn't even think about him at all. He only thought about Robert... he was still only thinking about Robert. And he realized he didn't care. _Maybe he didn't even remember what I said_ – he thought. It was part of his coping mechanism. To pretend that the problem's not there. Like Alex didn't hear him pretty much making it obvious how much he still cares about Robert... that he still loves him. He tried to shake the feeling, but then another thought came to his mind. _So this is how he felt when we were trapped in that car?_ -he thought. _Was that worse?_ -he didn't even know why was he comparing these awful things, but... he couldn't not to. He thought about how his life would change if Robert wasn't in it. It wasn't a pleasant thought, and it wasn't a world he would want to live in. He let the cold night air cool his nerves, as he closed his eyes for a moment. He didn't want to... - or perhaps he did since it was his brain,- but his head was filled with all the precious memories he never wanted to forget. The lazy mornings, when they didn't want to wake up... getting back to sleep for “just five more minutes”. Having breakfast. Watching the same crap on tv every night, and not give a shit. Laughing about the idiots in quiz shows. Rewatching the same season of Top Gear for the 500th time. He missed it all. But most of all he missed the little things that made his heart skip a beat. And he knew he wouldn't have that with Alex... or any other guy.

Aaron took a big breath as he felt himself calming down. Robert was so complicated, he could be horrible if he wanted to, and most people would hate his cocky attitude... but when he loved someone … when he loved someone it brought out a whole new side of his personality. And Aaron knew that side very well. Robert wasn't a safe bet... not for a lot of people. It was for Aaron.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Anon I hope you're gonna like it, and that it's at least half decent. Anyway, let me know.
> 
>  
> 
> if you guys have any ideas for prompts, and you think it's something I would write, you can find me on tumblr and twitter, just let me know and I see what I can do. 
> 
> tumblr: susieskinner93
> 
> twitter: @tardisgirl93


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